Looking through the police log this week, I shuddered.
What were those animals thinking? Are they out of their minds?
There were 13 calls from all over town. From Topsfield Road to Pavilion Beach, police were dragged here and there, far and wide, before being dragged near and far, then from pole to pole, and hither and yon.
All to keep these animals under control.
Dateline: Tuesday, July 7.
Location: High Street.
Incident: Snake in basement.
Now, I’m from Ireland, and the stories are true. We don’t do snakes. I’d let an armed police officer into my basement any day to shoot the place up just to get rid of that thing.
Dateline: Saturday, July 11.
Location: Topsfield Road.
Incident: “Large snake” in house.
This is even worse than having a snake in your basement. You will also notice the word “large” there. In this context,”large” is not good. A “large ice cream” is good. A “large snake” is bad.
With a snake in the basement, you can lock the basement door, stuff the cracks with towels, and pretend it doesn’t exist.
However, in the house, said snake could be coiled behind any closed door. Or behind the couch, behind the toilet, or in the tub behind the shower curtain.
I know how these things work. I’ve seen “Anaconda.” I’d gladly let two armed police officers shoot up the house to fix this problem. I’d even make them a cup of tea.
Dateline: Friday, July 10.
Location: Pavilion Beach.
Incident: Dog on beach.
Oh, boy. This could touch off a firestorm.
After a complaint was made to selectmen about bylaws being flouted on the beach, the board agreed to ask police to step up enforcement in the area.
Dogs are not allowed on the beach during the summer, but boaters, kayakers, and dog owners seem to have been ignoring the rules.
It touched off a debate on Facebook that got so hot it had to be taken down. But police are in the area now, so dogs will just have to find some other place to “conduct their business” where people go barefoot.